Helpful Tips for Handling Feelings of Shame as a 1st or 2nd Generation Immigrant
Immigrants wanting to start over in a new country are often faced with many challenges. Families from abroad are hoping to create a new and prosperous path, and they often do so without any guidance.
As an immigrant, it can be difficult to obtain work, find adequate housing, and feel a sense of belonging within their new environment. 1st and 2nd generation immigrant families may have some differences, but one thing they have in common are the feelings of guilt and shame.
What Are 1st and 2nd Generation Immigrants?
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 1st-generation immigrants are the first members of a family to become U.S. citizens or permanent residents. 2nd-generation immigrants are American citizens born to parents who were originally from another country. Immigrants are faced with many unique challenges, such as cultural dissonance, feelings of isolation, and identity crises.
As a 1st-generation immigrant, you may be trying to keep aspects of your family's culture while also adopting the one in which you currently live. You may feel the pressures of navigating life without the help from friends and family back home. Immigrant families relocate in hopes of discovering better opportunities, and sometimes this can cause the feeling of guilt.
As a 2nd-generation immigrant, you may grow up watching your parents juggle multiple jobs, financial instability, and hostile environments. While they may not directly talk about their stress and pain, children can often pick up on their parent's distress. It is natural for children of immigrant families to feel guilt for their parent's suffering, especially if it is known that the caregivers are working towards a better life for their children.
Recovering from Feelings of Shame and Guilt
While it is normal to feel these negative emotions about your family, it is important to remember that there is a way to handle them. If you are struggling with unresolved shame and guilt, try these tips to overcome the overwhelming emotions.
1. Acknowledge How You Feel
Whether it's anger, grief, sadness, embarrassment, or guilt, emotions demand to be felt. You may have been raised to not express emotion. Or, emotions may have not been discussed in your childhood home.
Either way, suppressing how you feel will only increase tension in yourself and between your family members. Acknowledge and feel whatever emotion in present and express them in a way that's comforting to you.
2. Let Go of Feeling Like You Have to Change
1st and 2nd generations may disagree on quite a few topics such as religion, politics, careers, and relationships. We are not our parents and we have different views on the way of the world.
While you can respect and love one another, there is no reason to put aside personal interests and values for the sake of appeasing your parents. The feeling of guilt for going against their wishes is normal — especially when you feel constantly reminded of how much your parents did for you. However, you are not ungrateful, and can still admire and respect your parent's hard work while following your own dreams.
3. Heal from Intergenerational Trauma
The effects of trauma passed on through parental figures can be devastating. Unresolved trauma can produce increased feelings of anxiety, loss of a sense of belonging, feelings of shame, inferiority, and even attachment deficits.
As difficult as it may be, try to not blame your parents. Instead, take matters into your own hands and start the healing process. Reflect on the similarities and differences between your values and your parents, identify patterns of dysfunction within your family system, and implement boundaries with your family if you feel the relationships are toxic or unhealthy.
The best way to handle trauma, shame, and guilt is to seek help from a mental health professional. Trauma therapists can help work through any conscious or unconscious issues that may be manifesting into your daily life. Call and schedule your first session today.
